Bad Moms 1st Podcast: the hot mess mom and the drunk mom

Friday, September 15th

00:28:03

Tpot drops off her kids wearing PJ's on the first day of school. Annette on the Net texts curse words about her kids. This is real parenting by Bad Moms.

Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

People wait how about screening. See I told you really not okay we're gonna start right now better including all that because these need to know when you're really lag later eight re okay so I'm teapot and. The bad moms podcasters. And I'm an out of the net and I'd be dead diva and will not great parents. Not that great parents it's just been plagued by AT&T is rental. Car and not every parent. Turns us and I am an amazing. A young and we wish them enough for me he had she made me eat healthier and I don't we're going to watch TV like all day. Josh I remember the one time she got junk. Shots he imagined in my kitchen to count the time there and I can die at five. Now I mean I I saw my mom smoking hotlines. The good light techniques to. And she must that would have been Virginia he was. Bob Knight thinking OK let's say accidentally hit it shouldn't she's the Fed's innocent and I like I am thirty years yeah yes yeah. Get Aggies they say something or our birds try to arrest or something like that the pace of the movies coming out great is that let me do to get it that moms yeah well I was watching. I was watching it I actually watch it all the time does it just makes me really happy into the kids seat watching you know I watch it in my bed I knew. Adjustable based bad and I may squeeze myself but really tight in my event like between the two friends and that I've been on my iPad and I have my headphones and honestly LKU get not yeah. Yeah yeah. But I did show my nine year old suicide plot we watched that together and our girls night. Lisa we know you have the nine year old nanny yes I have a nice young Mattie and a three year old club we know she's not thrilled. I can kiss my fat mound. Now. Four year old Chloe plus 301 point look up there. There really a month ago I can tell Hulu and Euro that is really looks holly yeah and that's four year old Chloe again and I have should. To win a five year olds Ainsley is a boy and Marion is a girl yeah and you know this is pretty much just going to be how Lee menu real life with our children you're married. And I am on the way to not being able to offer a different light as sentence sat at its. To me at. Because I don't really get out like bond out. I am. Odd man I am unmarried great now I guess I know you're still technically married in yeah did you guys filed for divorce now. He filed for centuries and no you just are separate group and you are complaining to divorce have never said that. Thing are you really we just so that we are gonna be divorce we're just kind of wing in it. Okay like we're kind of just like. Loeb. Yeah you know whatever we get to it but that's fast. I think we could we be one of those people who stay married for ever and just her separate. And then now maybe one day when one of them and none of us once he remarried which won't be me let it when he wants to get remarried to some like young bride. Minute. Will be LA. All right let's do the things that you can marry that chick. I don't know I guess I just don't care because I haven't is it costs it works a lot of money dictionary. A lot of money is a file that they never expected. Well you know that's the other part of it at all. So let's get into our bad mom podcast so mom bales do you have any of those classes at night last. Thanks for quick hits on the authentic it. Is you know like they texted one of the girls your butt and play highlighting an actual site because before that I texted my cousin I know exactly what it accident yeah I texted him. Asked these kids they actual art I before I even left the school parking lot after it picked to kids up I just checked him text and ask these kids. You don't like what led by. Physically had to pick up my daughter and pushed her in the car and buckle are up. She was just in such a bad may get us. And I didn't know OK so good mom or dad mom moment to decide that these two switched to a new school big school kindergarten yet. And I have been taking them drug is more authentic and that's been teasing now because now it's just reelected just yeah we're gonna. And so yesterday she's just like no I wanna do something run I'm not going in and I said okay we'll Sealy Turks you know we're going to come out a hastily be schooled yet that didn't work yeah spoke. I finally was like OK fine and she kind of dodged me cited physically let grabber like trapped her and carrier to the carts about how I got out buckled up and they being yellen at me I would. Test to my husband at these kids and net. I tax. This is not a good texting it I mean by that. Cashing checks a lot of this I know a lot of more text or her I don't stand so I'll blah blah blah. I said geeks dream held it is my life with these kids my period canned period up period. Asked actual word period not XX XXX means and not anymore. It was septa didn't think it could stay if I you know I yeah. Let's act let's. Pat had to have been. 647. As well I got home with them and they were still being lovely and wonderful children yeah asks. I think that's the paint what I. It there's so kids there's so breast feeding. No they came out of body there whatever. But they're still very frustrating because I know it's my ball oh right he's the reason they're jerks because give them everything I. Last I checked just to relook at any let you can't do that now after you've been. I. Her. I know so that's why their badges like at 21234. And now five I had failed to sent back to certain boundaries. And so I was trying to say no you're getting in the slaying has told you know here's what's going to happen and then I'm just don't lose and it right yeah and so my husband's trying to help solve day. At one point he slams the microwave and gets Mattingly. I don't even within ten seconds now with the yelling like thinks her helping. Do you escalate things now and then. I don't know what happened and it came out and marrying him my daughter is being the worst and she does Datsyuk Miette doughnut. I. Did it. That's why you can't have big. She's gonna get it done it their mission accomplished she got pregnant by my. Well well they both got donuts and I so okay Hughes the worse than we ever OK honey one don't. They get a deadly beach yeah so we came less I would too don't outreach get a like. This spot up. Clinton his parents never might he's like we don't know what I don't know anyone. That is like my. Money. Whenever we saw agreement whenever I whenever she asked me for anything I'm like no I don't having money. And so now Ali whenever she says prayer she's like and I pray that you get more minus. All is what really we use Scott making easing a bit apologies. But you wait for it to forget you lose to. Is nose again money or not rate that's trip. That would about like the other moms just in my kids are gonna pleading for sure I'm like no we don't have money which is sort of fine yeah every once a wand like. Stick. I don't know we'll see next thing I tell the other moms that I don't have any money. How does feel like I'm so por. LA okay. Didn't think about me is that whenever I meet people like whenever I need new parents I establish myself as a hot mess. You know what I like that but that's the first things I get that out of the way so then they kinda have an idea and then they watch me operate. And then that led cured totals should show. I. I take it quietly you know let us ready. So for example. Sunday we have the mother side kick ball yeah kick ball tournament because I genuinely thought Hillary. Let me school I'd like to point out that you don't have a son Dylan when the working Coke so I joined the ladies auxiliary and many school because is that you know this is a really good way to lake talked to the other parents who have kids who were my kids' friends and I wanna be involved. You know in the school because Matty goes to what those schools where you have to be at Joseph later. That's a oh that's a good parent teen thing preempt my mom never did that but no one knew when my mom look like until she showed up and like animal threatened the wet as you know he's he's not component yeah I care deeply. The company and lying about your age so that when I might. Like to find it out of ten LA. We was accused of yeah she's she's twenty years old it is the time she was thirty but she kept telling me she was 25 and everybody and that's like my mom is like thirty events my mom authority and I might not. Still when he got. See that my kids think I'm twelfth to an unknown numbers decidedly. But yeah the few that come the normal nine but. That's normal you imagine being hit great NB like memo. Is 25 I got to believe. That and it and it looked yeah. Especially since when I was really on when I was like it to him first or second let me say no nothing wrong. He had to kick it fifteen late and you know you got to be if she had that's cute good first current anyone else's tried there'd you know she does not having that he gently twenty. Yes or like a nineteenth. So she never joined anything you know satellite I'm gonna do this I'm gonna Jolene ends I joined a group and that we put on the mother son. Kick ball thing and I got so wrapped the bracket so that I did what he or gambling. No well. Like keeping track it was when it also hit the economy and relay gold seam line and then I'd have to Blake you know Grass Valley then. The game's over on this field and like the gold so they really break it down so we got to the final two. And whoever won the championship hard court yeah it was I was barely a lake and I have no idea what I'm doing but anyway but it it ended up fine and I did it right. Well yeah well I get there and it I had to bring yet. Markers. I had to bring dry erase markers for that that went with the colors of the two Eamon so they have Lincoln maybe they had I'm glad they had lead paint in olive stuff breaks so. The hot mess that I am. I had ample time to go and find the damn dry erase markers some. No I went like five minutes before I was supposed to be there in my brain and Walgreens and bot leg. Yeah standard Patt to about twelve doppler dry erase markers Tour de France yeah. Ben we know what are you putting money where he doesn't he now we have him here. But I don't have all the colors and egg borne blackened red balloon but you know at that like pink and purple and stuck. Isn't it media weren't even in the air so battling some moms really will you know he thought what do you make his board a little more colorful light. Tim bleed. That I used the F for discovery kids several times last night and your bad mom experiences you denied the right colored markers for when you were joining in at their school I hate about this we're say. That's my X OK well I get what I do hit the kids while I didn't. Hit them yesterday or the day before let's say I have thanked colleagues is is the story that you didn't have a regular markers now just let out like a hot mess that up. And like everybody knows her leg others do well at all the not bright colored markers. No he don't want those schools and those moms are all very prepared they had everything we drink and why did it go up at least some. I did get a bloody Mary like halfway through yeah okay. Now we're. Now it is a gaffe because my other friend Tim yeah have my friend can't you know she low. Our surgery. And did you usually has flag pin on my stash in her car but for some reason we should probably drank dollar theology in the other lately that it abort so she can have her stuff in the car. And one of the dads who was there was like I mean we got bloody Mary stuff in the -- did and it has certainly got let Mary snow that's great if that was that made it way better. I don't was hot a hot bloody Mary is just too holiday outside. It. That's why they wanted to get drunk out here he's not skinny I was dehydrated not to play in the bank drug bums on the side yeah. The leg OK. Yeah I don't really gone ten. Our orientation and Blake I think it was last year for school. We show up in the first night it's you know that that they welcoming to step parents that the kids weren't there now that I showed up with my friend Jessica and I we both had giants go cups filled with wine. She might have run until knowing her back up my giant red wine yeah Blake and jedi cup he's. And plainclothes. And listen to some parents don't have them this and this is so our lake so I don't really is on Hillary and literally every single meeting we have. Why and it's beat why obese silly I have a bottle for ourselves just one model. Blame drink or send blame rate and a what last year we think we had a driver something happened where the tire well that's true right. I hope these new Jersey's drinking and driving is very bad of course obviously meant to bear yes and that very thing that haven't heard yet over and lately your car at the school and then in the do you think Cooper and I got this. Hit it real question. Continue to bring your kids like doing need to have the right car seats are gonna just a minute the kind of big yeah 'cause my breath there has deliberate his kids I'm not without me I mean it. And I'm like yeah yeah he's over this kid that her friend Hoover's with his kids to school. I'm so you can't but all of that his ear herb. To being like for car seat though that's why it's never an issue I don't up. Actually what about interviewing yet seen taking a taxi with your kids I know if you live there are a lot of people have those little like carrying portable but like if I'm just jump banana cartel I just take. If I am also ammonia. It's good options are drunk mom drives and seeking their car seats but practiced for a week Lugar safely without a kind and these are bad things a mile either way back like. A good question because you know people might have slightly can't read things. Pink track just look clips I know I don't know what Texans. Yeah it's. I don't know regulation. Mean I can't believe Friday night at two tickets to the backyard you know the in the lake in lake you would have playground in the back great yeah and they met up with a legend dare. Friends and yell I'm friends with moms or whatever dad met meeting so he was gonna take the kids help so I left my car for him and I was gonna taken Illbruck I literally right hand to Michael Gerson the kids didn't stop me one more time and over -- to be very weird that I was reading as I get it met its match. It is likely or ray and the anywhere. All I ask you don't and so. Leg when that he was born CBI we went to this thing because my mom is queen of plagued leave your kids don't let them know you're leaving. A note that all the science that stuff that I and that says. You're supposed to tell them to buy so they don't fear that every time you turn around your gone right that's what she said like a good month we're gonna you know and then you're drunk and then you're forgetful. And LA yeah. So my mom has always been like just just you know don't even how many that you're leaving yeah. Crank and so I was right. You know being raised with my mom who did that yes you know and not understanding my abandonment issues that I had not thinking like oh yeah I haven't and diminishes kind of I'm not realizing that yes absolutely. Do you right that's evidence that he said he would be like no. We do not just leave. We have to say goodbye today I'm like OK so then I. I would do my normal goodbye which is OK Matty we're gonna be back and leg whatever hours we're gonna go do this okay which we would come back. And then he would get down on his knee and heel leg. Let me explain this for thirty minutes. Geeks just so you understand. That we are coming back at all. No one. I don't hey should let it. ET Justine Amazon did you supposed to get down to their eye level and honestly I get back. Well my eyes that she's the target I think yeah. What a case of what do I know he's supposed to do that when you're recommending them and Kelly not a boundary. I never I didn't do that only so that they can see my really scary face well. I just text people ask these kids. I down I do get down on that level and then I will with a starring voice now nanny that always worked she always listen to pray to have. Clos league will be like yeah. You wait. I'm clip is now all the time my daughter is making me clip downs is different data can you do clean and you never could Mike. What's happening now but let's like they're sad case yet red yellow green strike at will whenever she get clip down again. And so she cooks me down all the time ever eliminate present you are my feelings. Now conflict of I don't know what to do with that you're not to punish me that would be leg work finding now because no you don't know my clay. OK I don't have a clip I'm actually clipped out and see. She's like you're gonna in timeout and you're my feelings so that might. What. Here what do you what do you do as it's like I don't want her to feeling tell wanted to know it's okay but just me telling you know is and you aliens me telling you know is she being a mom yeah because my. I don't know what I was little would be late show. But you know and there's something good I just I want to say to read. Michael what's a healthy way to say that so that you don't grow placing your kids don't grow lab being. Kiki meet people can think army. Like woody is intense because it's like oh you hurt my feelings okay we wanna teach them and their feelings are important. But you also wanna teach them that they still have to listen cereal like OK so like what Holland. Siri what do I say when my kid says I hurt her feelings. Now it's. An idea. Eight popped up some things you can ask me phone. Message yeah calendar LOC and that I don't know what you're doing because it's supposed to go like this. Well I am on the Internet. Again area but it really lets the series not in a summit guaranteed troubles today I think. I need Alexa this chief tell you I'm not mean that I already know when he Greg you found out. You know what. But you gotta tell me your report called on my god I'm not even getting that I'm mine is not paid but it text me yesterday to tell me it's due tomorrow so it's fine. Let me tell you that that that. Yes I'm not that might have paid my bill. It. Cold I you know we're just gonna hard reset and but it is an app and yeah we're gonna see what happens after that. And this is like podcasts agreed to his eye on the radio you can just reset your phone will actually you do probably do this and I don't totally the but I don't talk about it. It's sort of like black Stevie say yeah houses are like. Second really enlighten and what the hell he doesn't end. Okay yeah so did our weekend. I'm glad to start getting into. The current memory from one comeback we can I say this that I told. You this yesterday but in case anybody's listening to this disaster ordering him. And my friend Tommy I you already noticed that my friend tell me they saw summing up based up from just a random person who said the only thing worse than in married to Stevie GNT on the radio. Is a divorce CV GNT cup on the radio. Now. I'm so I didn't realize how do you know that yes she really doesn't get annoyed with him. Let's at least check managed and in telling they get along no big deal attempts though I did do and my son here is okay now heading back. Who who wouldn't do it on a ballot so that properly Norma kids without it. Think she's so I think that's the thing by the way like my bad parenting has mostly in the form of being drunk and your bad parenting comes mostly in the arm of looking at you found. Yeah looking at my phone being in complete hot mess. Mike I. I'm not afraid to make them late for school. I saw someone in the get a day in like parent like headstart Finley and clearly the GM as a when I got to be little why did you ever tell you about that is first. I have many nannies first day of school stories put into this machine or Perseus kindergarten you get it apart to get at her first day is he about to tell me that his first day eat out a now I took. I can't I just can't. That that's just gonna have to be except if you so her perfect kindergarten I. I had just had clearly like him you know couple months ago work Chloe couple muzzled and how to bring that into school. And so of course she was late and there was no car on your first step at a high tech. So there was no car pool okay so I see my friend April is my friend April has twins and Matty plays went and says he my friend April and I'm like. Well. I think she was coming out of the school an outlet. She was like it's the first day there's no car cool and I'm start occurs and scream because I am in net. My name maternity slash nursing and dammit the second day sexy version yeah. Rate totally hot and I'm only gain bill done his morning time I thoroughly embassy ever hair wrapped up and slippers back. And I want her to her classroom and out like yeah. I'd like now in play that babies in LA. OK you know and everything that they've I mean like literally that's cool now may email me. He's like the bar and Lou and then the bar so low so now whenever around labor flow is tuition LA we know that part went out late with the registration be different light registering her for this year daylight will hold it for you go to my ego all. For you baby okay being you know. So the difference in that. Like I you know I am a deadly bad parent to lake. Got hot NASCAR death I upset over with the car smells like when they opened the door for carpool coming up my car is such a nightmare goes there like as a snub that's like I could possibly go in light. Slippers and whenever I like what I have to get out and the other moms Simi she even today I have an orientation thing for the kids. And I just by our count my kids your computer to make it's a reflection on me. My. I don't haven't brushed my kid's hair anymore. So then. Matty is Thursday's school this year I didn't I don't think their breasts or hair I didn't. I didn't brush her hair and I want to emulate. And didn't JAMA. Well I think it's and it's the first day so they're all walking in or whatever and I locker and and I'm like hey did you build bodily harm like. The first day. And so the I have a there was like yes I know the first day. I think she was just doing that to me. But I just didn't like mess with me because then that Matty tells me that she wasn't like she did have to do it and I like she was trying to mess of me and steer me in the leg lift people out we're not dealing with us this year. Kind of have to be delayed since then a bunch. So thick now no I'm not that I walk any in Adam I mean they have to learn to set boundaries with you or you're gonna get donut Severino AA and no they're gonna be like look this come off of your kids conduct grated met and manipulate. What I think I'd ever because let's begin uploading content really wants a good thing she's good at. Ranks yeah she's pretty although she is getting my talk with him in class. So maps are leaner. Yeah his deep drain. Just don't I should. Yet you debt I know I sit and windows me I mean obviously not to beat them that. I need I had a key data like with stuff I training to learn how to punish I don't know how to do it bit tired. Yeah. Pretty you do punish you can kind of like punish them and then walked out of the room. And just don't even supposed to lock up the room I don't know. I don't hunt that stuff. Kids are glad that I'm what you're supposed to because of what I'll do is I'll be like you did it timeout Chloe and then I'll make her sit by the air conditioner vent. And as she sits down on the floor for and it's a minute for every. Year then yeah and you that so she sits there for four minutes and then I walked out and then I come are just one kitchen. And just like Kate two questions one why the air conditioner that. Because as a corner of about something funny stuff I. Other square isn't the room is cluttered with anything's fair and that's the only one that I'm lake. How did you block the air I guess I get a second and the editing I'd just. Read you know recently that how you can't do timeouts for like you've been bad Jack to do timeouts when they've done something where you need to do. Don't really give them a break from the the emotion of the moment and you sit there and tell them. What's happening and I'm guessing which he that you needed time mail at. That Duff yeah. I wonder how much does it do when she pours water on the floor that's why don't do that either they don't need it and that's what she has she likes to take water and get her barbies I had been and then like slot and on the floor or leg port all over the floor burden. It showed up why did she do that that's not even find you punish her for that. We might talk about I told you time and time again stop putting the water on the floor it's not fun. Give prisma seeking deserted it's actually not the punish does not that I don't Micky does and I'm like politicking that. Didn't 'cause I know is the market not because I'm telling you see this is the reason my address is. There kind of run it over it I know what. Chloe doesn't do it in the bathroom okay Nancy she doesn't in the toy slash laundry slash dog slash cat room. Ole flag dog cat Lander and yeah that's because lane next up. There's always one corner you know and then against another long day like the dog kennel and the dog food and in the middle it's the kitchen. Well it. People are told lays and then over to one side inflate the little into them with a laundry stuff and then the two litter boxes at so I mean there's a lot going on there you know so there's limited space and she always wants delight or the water out so that I wakin. And there's like dog food meshed with the water on the floor. Age that's okay well that's gross rates. I shouldn't get a Donna great to know oh okay well yeah. Because they eat up all the stress that so and every kid they drop things and you know you have to cap a clean employer yes although not literally if they drop food. You don't have to think about it. Well that was great parenting advice I don't know why people think we might not be the best parents ever goes right totally iron yelled. Yeah they'll that night to join us next week coming. More apparent in Maine and tell you people how to raise your children because you're doing their. I think that I can get just solidified that that was pretty good stuff I had to yeah yeah and if anyone has probably that you're doing here. I think suck it.
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