Writing about my first love is a tough subject. It took me a while to finally admit to the world that I bat for the other team, so all of the relationships I was in up until that point were fake and sort of a waste. To be totally honest I always think of the same person when I think about my first love. It wasn't very realistic, but it's what I had to hold onto at the time.
To this day I swear that I was in love with and would have married (and later divorced) Joey McIntyre from New Kids On The Block. I would have done anything for him. I even went so far as to love him from a long distance for about three years.
Joey was kind of my escape from the real thoughts and feelings I was having at the time. I would see Punky Brewster on the TV and be like WOW! She's so pretty. But that wasn't ok. My love for Joey was okay at the time, so I went with it. I had my NKOTB sleeping bag and would kiss Joey every night before I went to bed. I used the sleeping bag as a comforter so that he could be close to me. I knew that Joey would probably never love me back, but what could I do about it? He was so cute with his curly hair and high voice. His big blue eyes looked right at me when he was on the TV or even when I was in the very back row at the Magic Summer concert. He was the center of my world, so I wanted to be the same for him.
I don't think that I will ever forget Joey being my first love. I actually got to meet him last year when the group went on tour. He was so handsome, but I know how much I have changed as a person because my love wasn't there anymore. I liked meeting him, but the spark just wasn't there anymore. It probably had a lot to do with the fact that I've come to terms with who I am and now the whole world knows. I know that I am okay and that there's no reason to be ashamed or fake it anymore. I've lived that life and struggled with things for long enough. So my love for Joey is now just a distant memory that helped me through trying to find acceptance.