I was so excited to open the mailbox today and see a letter addressed to me — obviously a Christmas card — and the return address said “Emma Kelly.” That little booger went to Grandmama’s this weekend and she got Grandmama to help her send me a card! How sweet is that?? My first legitimate came-in-the-mail-with-a-stamp-and-everything card from my daughter!
The card itself was generic — “With warm thoughts” and blah blah blah’85.But what my daughter wrote inside is what made me laugh.
On page 1:
“Dear Mommy Merry Christmas HAppy HOLidays I want more than Anything a ReaL puppy PLeAse. Emma Kelly LOVE YOU that’s All I got. How’D you like that? amen Emma Kelly”
And then on page 2:
“thank you for Being my mommy I LOVE YOU SO MUCh you Are the Best and you Are BEautiful and you Are sweet”
All I know is, Santa Claus better bring that kid a danged puppy.
Life is all about learning lessons. Some big. Some small. Some humiliating.
Perusing doggie items in the pet store today when I found myself in the path of a kid pushing an oversized something-or-other in a buggy that was headed directly towards me. I excused myself and stepped around the corner to safety, only to find that I was now standing exactly where his buggy needed to go next. So I excused myself again and stepped out of the way. That’s when his daddy said, “You look so familiar….” I smiled and shrugged and said, “I don’t know…..” And he said it again, “But you look so familiar…”
Now this is that odd moment when I have to choose whether or not to let him keep wondering or if I should say something. If I say something, does that make me obnoxious? If I DON’T say something, does that make me more obnoxious? I mean, OF COURSE he must recognize my voice and he just mistakenly assumes he actually knows my face from somewhere. Or perhaps he’s caught Dish Nation on TV a couple times, but because it comes on so late at night and he’s usually in that semi-awake state, he wasn’t quite putting two and two together. I could see that his head was starting to hurt from trying to figure this out, so when he said again that he MUST know me from somewhere, that’s when I made the decision to let him off the hook.
“I’m on the radio.”
“No, that’s not it. Your daughter goes to my kids’ school. I don’t listen to the radio.”
So I have 4 days to finish Christmas shopping…how is this going to play out? Not good would be my first guess. How did time creep up like this? It was just Halloween I think. Is this what happened when you start getting older? Time just passes and life starts going by so quickly. I had a great idea for co workers Christmas presents all planned out. But then it’s already days away from our last show and I haven’t even started. I had this whole end of the world basket idea, but after buying 20 baskets, I realized how pricey that was going to get. So, I have 20 baskets if anyone’s looking. Time to just throw something together I suppose. Hey gift cards meet coworkers. On top of it…not at all.
Since my roommate and I are what she calls, “eternal Christmas party dates”, I had the pleasure of going to what might be the nicest restaurant in the city with Holly’s boss, his wife and her. It was really a fantastic dinner other than the fact that it became an eating marathon. About 4 hours worth of food. That winter weight is going to really look good in Mexico next week. Speaking of THAT, I’m only 5 days away from laying on beach chair and not moving for another week. Except for that whole end of the world thing. I planned a private tour for my girlfriend and I to go to the Mayan ruins in Tulum on the day the world is supposed to end and we will also get to go caving and swim with giant turtles afterwards, if the world doesn’t end of course.
For the first time in about 6 months, I didn’t have the Sunday blues. This is a huge deal and I attribute it all to getting the best parking spot at the shopping center yesterday. Holly and I decided to get out of the apartment and go see a movie. We chose Bond-which I really didn’t like by the way-but I did get the spot right outside of the theater. I always used to luck out with spots, but for the last year, I have had some seriously bad luck. No more. We looked at each other and high fived because we both knew that was a sign that the universe has changed. 2013 is going to be good-there’s just no other way. I’m still trying to come up with some resolutions, which I’ve honestly never done before. I can’t believe I have never made resolutions. This time I think it’s just going to be about no more old habits. Can’t have another rock bottom month. Holly and I spent the weekend joking about how if next year is like this year, we will end up being on some reality show called cats and money. Just a couple of lonely single girls with nothing but their jobs and their cats. Though as of right now we don’t have a lot of money or any cats, but you get the idea.
Sometimes we get struck with a “did that really just happen to me?” day, but the best thing to do is look at the bright side of things. I had to do this this weekend. It was actually a pretty busy weekend for us. We kicked it off with our first Christmas family pictures. We got our modeling on at a park. Cason and I had our button up shirts on, Kinsey had something on as well, I can’t remember what it was, but I remember she looked hot. Then we did a fun shot of us in our house wearing those pajamas with the feet on them. Man, some people sure had a problem with that picture. I love Facebook, but I have grown to hate it sometimes… all it takes is three people to take the air out of any sort of fun you have, if you decide to share it on your page. A fun picture with everyone in matching pajamas, and two dogs gave me these sort of responses from people:
1. It would have been funnier if you did it in front of your “xmas” tree. (Thanks, funny patrol. By the way, it’s not “xmas”… it’s Christmas)
2. The most popular: You need your man card to be taken away. (It takes a real man to do whatever it takes to keep his wife happy and smiling)
3. You guys are trying too hard, that has been done (actually, we didn’t really try, we sat there… and everything has probably been done before in a photo shoot)
The thing is, 95% of the messages I got or were posted on my wall were positive, but we tend to let the negative ones get to us. I do know this, it will make for a great picture to put up in his wedding slide show. Is it bad that I am already planning which pictures to use to embarrass him, in a good way, when he gets older?
This is when I insert the “look at the bright side” spin. Luckily, we took our pictures on Saturday because if we would have waited 24 hours, I may not have been able to take them. Why? Well, Cason must know about my plan to show his lady friends funny pictures of him when he gets older because at about 8:00 am, when I was sound asleep, Kinsey decided to bring Cason in bed with us, like she always does. He usually sits there, watches a lil TV, and then wakes me up via kisses, and cuddling. They are not really kisses, cause he doesn’t know how. He is more of an “open mouth slobber” kissing kind of guy. But, I enjoy my weekend wake up. Not so much on Sunday. He apparently decided to come at me differently because I woke up to a swift headbutt to the mouth. I thought I was being attacked in my sleep when I woke up. Nope! It was just Cason, who was cracking up like no other. He though it was soooooo hilarious. I was ok, until I felt part of my tooth hit my tongue. Oh crap! That was my first thought. Normally, I would be fine. I have broken my teeth before, and you can just get it fixed on Monday or Tuesday. Well, we do the Dish Nation TV show now, and coming in with half a tooth is not the business. So hopefully I can escape with my half tooth today, and get it fixed.
Oh, and here is our wrestling record:
Cason: 1-35 (he should have been DQ’d for that headbutt, but Kinsey let it ride and awarded a win)
J-Si: 43-1 (I had a couple matches verses Kinsey, but those ended due to tickling, because I wouldn’t stop when she asked… so those don’t happen anymore)
You know what my favorite thing to do as a kid was? Well, besides breaking stuff, eating my moms lip gloss, jumping on the bed, chasing my grandmas cat, and dressing up in my batman costume… it was looking a pictures of me as a baby. This started at about the age of 5, and continued the entire time I lived with my parents. I would bust the photo albums out here and there, and sit in my room looking at the pictures… usually, in high school, I would invite the current girlfriend to check the albums out with me, to let her know what sort of baby this guy would create one day. Yeah, I bragged about my baby pictures to girls when I was younger… but it worked. Pretty sure it would work for anyone, due to the fact that all babies have some sort of cute factor.
Yesterday, Kinsey and I were going through some boxes, since we are trying to finish the moving process and we need to get rid of the junk. I came across a random picture Kinsey had printed out a while back. I don’t know how she got it, or when, but it was a picture of me in some jeans, boots, a polo shirt, and a vaquero hat. First of all, I those must be the only boots I have ever owned. It brought back memories… I found myself wanting to look at those albums, but I dont have them. It also made me realize how much Cason looks like me. Holy Crap, if you were to tell me that you took my DNA and cloned me, I would believe Cason was a clone. So I did have a point when showing my baby pics off to the ladies back in the day, cause Cason is a god looking man baby.
Unfortunately for me, this means we will definitely be having another kid someday, because Kinsey was complaining that he looks too much like me… because that is apparently a bad thing. haha. We also have more crap to go through today, because I ended up just looking at the pictures in that particular box while Kinsey cleaned it out. I win.
I think she told me she likes surprises…either she said she likes them or she said she really DOESN’T like them. It was definitely one or the other. Hopefully she does because she will have one when she gets home from work this morning. I did my own version of breaking and entering I guess. Since The Doctor is working 12 -13 hours a day this month, and she is a girl that LOVES Christmas, I went to the Christmas tree place and picked out a huge 9 foot tree. (She lives in a loft style apartment with a 10-foot ceiling.) I was thinking about height more than I was thinking about width. Some might say that this tree is a little too big for her apartment. I prefer to say that her apartment is too small for this tree! Anyway, we had been talking about going Christmas tree shopping soon. But in true Big Al fashion, I called an audible. (For the girls, that means I changed the play.) I’m really hoping that this isn’t something that will take the Christmas out of Christmas for her. Christmas tree shopping is probably a lot of fun for a girl that really likes Christmas, huh? Don’t you hate it when you are second guessing yourself? Especially when it’s something that you intended to be a nice thing for someone else. I really don’t know how this is going to go over. Oh well, its done now. When I knew she was already gone to work, I went to her apartment and delivered the Big Ass tree. I also got her some stuff for decorating her apartment. 6 or 7 poinsettia plants, 25 feet of garland and a small little wooden reindeer. Man, NOW, I’m really wondering if she said she LIKES surprises or she DOESN’T like surprises. And even though I’ve had a key to her apartment, I’ve never used it…. Oh boy, this is dicey! Oh well, its too late now anyway. At least her apartment will smell like Christmas. Man, I hope her dog doesn’t pee all over the tree or the plants.
I’m really second guessing myself right now. I wonder if I have time to go get the tree and take it back before she gets home at 7 this morning. Probably not. Oh well, SURPRISE Honey!
I am so upset… I planned a Christmas party for my girlfriends and their kids at the exact same time my family is celebrating, complete with tickets to this over-the-top Christmas spectacular. So now some people who were so excited about coming can’t come and I feel like a big jerk. I’m just screwing Christmas for everybody…
…Just like I disappointed everybody at the office Christmas party. I know how much everybody looks forward to 2-drink Kellie, but this year, I had to be a big ol’ party pooper. I absolutely positively had to be up in time for church on Sunday and worshiping the Lord while nursing a hangover just didn’t feel right. And the reason I absolutely positively had to be at church on Sunday? Emma Kelly had to be there for rehearsals because………..she was asked to play Mary in the Christmas program!! I KNOW!!! This is a really big deal!
When I told her the Sunday school teacher called and asked if she could play Mary, EK screamed. She was SO excited! Of course, after the high of being chosen wore off, she started putting on the whole “I’m too shy! I’m scared!” act. Despite all my positive reinforcement and cajoling, she was still whining about it up until I dragged her to class on Sunday morning. Her teacher met us at the door, cooing over my daughter, who was wrapped around my thigh and had her face firmly implanted in my right butt cheek. I told the teacher that EK decided she was too scared to play Mary. She replied with a very sympathetic “Awww….” And that’s when the good teacher — in her infinite wisdom — pulled EK aside and told her she didn’t have to be Mary…she could be an angel instead. That did the trick!! EK was ALL about being Mary then! And it just so happens to be on the same Sunday that my entire family will be in church because we’re celebrating our family Christmas right after. I guess it all works out in the end….except for those people who can’t come to the Christmas party. I’ll make it up to them in 2013.
You ever have that problem that just doesn’t die? Like that piece of hair that sticks up no matter what sort of haircut you get, or that DVD that you cleaned up but still skips at the same dang spot, or that zit that keeps on appearing in the same spot, even after you got that zit medicine Justin Bieber is promoting? This is exactly what is happening with the old house. New drama, fo yo mama, with a brand new llama. We are all moved out, I paid a lady to clean the crap out of the house (which was not clean when we moved in), we gave land devil (that’s her new name) a desk that we don’t need, did the walk through, and now she refuses to give us our down payment back. YAY! It’s ok, because I am going to take her all the way to Judge Judy, or small claims court. Part of me is saying, “just let it go, and call it a crappy person tax”, but the other part of me is saying, you could buy a dining room table and Christmas presents with that. So I will fight for our rights to shop. Wish me luck, I think it will turn out in our favor.
Kinsey and I also had a date night on Friday. We actually hit up one of those clubs where people drink and dance. I forgot those existed. I also forgot how entertaining people watching was:
1. I love the dude over 40 years old getting into a dance battle with another dude, no girls around, and both doing Magic Mike dance offs… what happened to breakdancing?
2. The new couple in the corner making out… or licking each other’s faces.
3. The girl who got super drunk, started crying, and is explaining the story to her friends, but has to be super animated because the music is so loud.
4. The guy who spills his drink, and acts like nothing happened… but you saw it happen.
5. My new favorite: no more go-go dancers, now they have girl’s sitting/standing still in model poses. It was scary and awesome at the same time… mostly because they would break character every time a guy would touch their buttox.
In other news, we had our Christmas party, the following night… no drunk meltdowns going on at this bad boy. In fact, we were home by 11 pm. By 3 am, I was sick with some sort of food poisoning. I have ruled the food from the party out because nobody else got sick, so it had to of been something from earlier in the day… perhaps that piece of chicken that may or may not have been older than 2 weeks. It was a gamble, that I lost, and I am paying the consequences. Luckily, this time I was sent into the bathroom to join regurgitation nation, but it was not the sort of sickness that left me laying there, it allowed me to get back up and sleep, as long as I didn’t eat anything. Good times.
The Office Christmas party has come and gone. Everyone was looking their best and on their best behavior.
Our day actually started late. The doctor and I were going to get Mani/Pedis together but she didn’t get off work until 12noon so I let her go solo. When it was time to go, a few people came up to the bar and we were all going to leave our cars there and ride together on my bus. I normally use the bus for shuttling customers back and forth to sporting events and concerts. And sure enough, there were two customers that wanted to go to the basketball game that started at the same time as our party. So the 6 or so people loaded onto the bus to go to the Christmas party along with the 2 people that were going to the game and away we went. We dropped the game people off first and then we went to pick up “Doctor Girlfriend.” I don’t think I had told her in advance that I would be picking her up in a 24 passenger school bus. She was looking pretty hot. For sure the hottest girl that has ever been on my bus. Anyway, after a short wait, she came out of her apartment and away we went. She had on the dress that I bought her last week.
We arrived at the party “fashionably late” and I introduced her all around. We sat and ate and talked and everything was going pretty well. Then, it was time for the video.
Awkward. There were a few moments in the video that could have been cut. Like me topless the first, second or third time. And the scene where I was holding up a certain piece of jewelry that I had purchased for Honey 3. Yes, I could have done without those.
But all in all, she didn’t seem bothered very much. And if she’s ok, I’m ok.
We left the party around 10 or so and after that, a lot of us ended up back at my bar where karaoke was in full swing. The night sounds so boring as I write about it here but there really weren’t any “Oh My God” moments. No one got totally trashed. No one got naked on top of any furniture. No one made the awkward flirtation or hook up. Come on guys. We’re RADIO PEOPLE! We’re supposed to make fools of ourselves and then have plenty to talk about on the next show! No such luck this time. Maybe next year.
How boring are we? We ended up buying a pizza and heading back to her place where we ran into some girlfriends of hers and they had a dance party from what I heard. I went to sleep.