I don’t need a mirror. I have a 5-year-old with no filter.
When do I know it’s time to go get my color touched up because the red’s turned a bit brassy? When Emma Kelly tells me, “Mommy, you’re hair is orange.”
When do I know it’s time for vacation and/or a trip to the plastic surgeon? When Emma Kelly asks me, “Mommy, why do you have bags under your eyes?”
When do I know it’s time to renew my gym membership? When Emma Kelly is in need of comfort so she cuddles up beside me to knead my upper arm like it’s a Pillow Pet.
Every time she throws out one of her observations, I reply with a not-so-sincere “Thank you.” But I’ve found that sarcasm is lost on 5-year-olds. So last night after I got the “bags under the eyes” comment which I followed up with my usual “thank you,” I tried to explain to my precious baby child that it’s not nice to tell people that they have bags under their eyes. So she asks, “Then why did you say ‘thank you’?”
Don’t you hate when something is about to happen in your life, and people are constantly making you doubt your decision? You got a new job, and the people that work at your new company keep giving you the, “are you SURE you want to come work here?” Or when you meet a nice person, go on a date, and one thing leads to another, and now your friends are telling you that you should definitely go get checked out at the clinic… but, they don’t really give you a reason (note: that has never happened to me. haha). Or you let a brand new show on Oprah’s network film you and your entire family to try to fix a pretty big conflict… and your wife gets a call from the executive producer of the show two days before the episode airs. In this call they ask your wife if you would be interested in going to therapy. Excuse me? Why should I go to therapy? I thought Iyanla fixed my life. The words, “we will even pay for it” were thrown out there too. Hmmmm….
I may be looking too deep into it. Maybe this is standard. Maybe they are just trying to be nice. Maybe they feel the episode may cause me to have some sort of mental breakdown that will require tons of treatment. Ha! Yup, now I am trippin a bit. Kinsey keeps telling me it will be ok. Guess we will find out Saturday night, because I am done trying to act like nothing is happening. Too many people have hit me up and told me they saw the preview, and some of those people include old friends from back home, including some of my former football buddies. Question? Why are there 29 year old dudes watching the OWN network, anyway? They, technically, should not be making fun of me. So lets just hope that the therapy offering is not because they make me look like huge monster on TV. Side note: Oprah never called us back
Good news/ Bad news: Kinsey’s former boss hit me up and said he wanted to take me to a Charger game… in New Orleans! Problem: they play on a Sunday night, and I would not get back home in time to be at work on time. Dang it! Luckily, he said he would take me to a different one that is not played on a Sunday night at 8pm. This is when I wish the NFL played on Saturdays and College games were on Sunday.
Check out the preview of J-Si on Iyanla’s Fix My Life Sat 9/22 at 10/9c on OWN.
He did it!!! Cason has learned how to crawl. As much as we wanted him to do this for the last 8 months, I wish he would go back to being immobile, and wanting to only walk around with our help. He has turned into a bit of a creeper. I go to the bathroom to take a numero uno, look to the right, and there’s Cason, watching, and smiling. Funny… but creepy. Go into the bedroom after taking a shower to get dressed, look to my left, and there’s Cason with his lil smile once again. He is doing this to Kinsey as well. He is the cutest creeper I have ever seen.
Everyone asks what got him to crawl for the first time. There is always that one thing that babies really want, and it gets them to crawl. Well, Cason crawled for the first time because he wanted to grab… drum roll… dog poo. It’s ok, he doesn’t know. We were at our friend’s house, having a play date/college football watching party, and Cason got on his knees, and crawled to dog poo. I wish it would have been a football, but I would be lying. Good news: we found some dog poo that had been unexpectedly dropped under a coffee table. Bad news: it’s dog poo. Bonus good news: We grabbed Cason before things got messy, thank God.
We do have some more good news: the house inspection went well! The foundation on the house is perfect! Yes!!! But the roof needs some fixing up. So as long as the current owner agrees to fix it, we will be official home owners!
And in even more good news (we really needed a good news weekend, after the year we have been having): My mom sent us some CD’s, but not just any CD’s… she sent us Cri Cri! This is what I listened to as a baby/kid. I don’t have very many memories before the age of 5-6, but I remember listening to these songs. I can’t describe the joy that is brought upon me when I listen to these songs. It’s like I am transported back to my childhood, when nothing mattered. What makes this even better is that I get to share this with my son.
Random question: How do I make sure Kinsey and I don’t go to sleep before 10 pm on weekends? We can’t seem to be able to do that. Any tips would be greatly appreciated, except tips that involve becoming cocaine or meth addicts. Thank you.
Is it awful of me to want to hire a maid? I know I should be able to scrub my own toilets and vacuum my own floors, but I don’t waaaaaaaaant toooooooooooooo………..(Does that sufficiently translate into whining?) It’s all I can do to figure out what to make for supper every night. Oh! Can I hire a personal chef, too?? No? Too much?
I think that’s what I’d do if I had stupid money. But I wouldn’t just hire a chef…I’d hire a grocery shopper, a maid, a stylist, a professional blow dryer….Yes, I know rich people who have a professional beauty parlor chair in their house and every single morning somebody comes over and professionally blow-dries their hair. How awesome is that!! And I wouldn’t apologize for my stupid money, either. I’d love every dime of it. Because even though I’d be writing checks to chefs, maids and blow-dryers, I’d still be shopping at the Dollar Tree so my money karma would be in complete balance.
Meantime, what is up with me and the 25-year-old man? I can’t get a man my own age to look twice at me, but put me in a room packed wall-to-wall with 25-year-old men and the odds are at least one of them will want him some Kellie Rasberry. Now, what am I supposed to do with that? I know that “cougar” thing was all trendy for a hot minute, but is it still? Did the collapse of the Demi/Ashton marriage signal the collapse of the Cougar Era? There’s nothing worse than being on the tail end of a trend. I mean, there IS a reason Ed Hardy had a clearance sale. But if you throw out everything in your closet and re-stock your wardrobe with nothing but Ed Hardy tees and jeans you just bought for 90 percent off, then you’re going to look a bit foolish. I’m just saying. And I don’t want to be the one looking foolish.
I guess I need to have a come-to-Jesus with my own closet. But I can enjoy the 25-year-old just a little bit longer, can’t I? I know I’m on the tail end of attracting them anyway, so I might as well.
Kinsey and I got back on the saddle. We need to find a house… soon! Our time in this one is up soon, and to tell you the truth, we should have already been out of this Bad Luck Bears place. With that said, I am happy to announce that we have placed our second offer on a home. This one may be it, and guess what?! It’s a couple blocks away from the Rasberry. Does this mean that Big Al will be replaced by this guy? Big Al used to be the one to go get dead animals out of Kellie’s house, he fixed things, and he lifted heavy things for her, and was there for security reasons if needed. Well, Al moved away and that void has been left empty. Kellie even said that Kinsey and her can go on walks! Great, now my wife can complain about me to my co-worker. That sounds like a wonderful combination. So once again, wish us luck.. and wish us good home foundation.
Speaking of luck. Kinsey’s car is still in the shop. Yes, the car we just bought her before Cason was born. I am not a mechanic, but I could tell that a hose had a hole in it by the amount of fluid squirting out of it (that’s what she said). We take it to the shop, and they informed us that we need to pay $800 to get a new water pump. Really? We called around, and most places did the water pump thing for about $600, at the most. I smell a slight rip off? These are the times Kinsey really wishes we lived back home. Her dad is really good with these sort of things. We decided to take the car and tow it to a different shop… costs more money, but it may save us hundreds if I am correct with the whole hose thing. I should definitely learn about cars. Plus it’s pretty manly. If that happens, one of my present hobbies would have to be replaced by the car hobby. I don’t know which hobby to give up. I narrowed it down to these two hobbies:
1. Being a dad.
2. Doing chores.
Kinsey rolled her eyes when I mentioned this idea. I think it’s fair.
One last thing, we all have certain worries when we make new friends right? Are they crazy, do they do drugs, have they been to jail? It’s a lil more difficult when you are in a relationship, because you are now in the position of not gaining one, but two friends. I call it two for one friends. One relationship, two friends, who you would never hang with if you were single. Couples only. The biggest fear I have when we meet new friends is that they are of the sharing is caring variety. There are a few signs that may give it away, and the main one was displayed on Saturday when our neighbors invited us over to their house after we went to dinner with the lil ones. It was an invite of the “hot tub” variety. And they said that Cason could sleep in their pack and play. We agreed instantly, plus there was no driving… we can walk! Safety first! But my four beer brain starting thinking… what if “hot tub” is the swinger code word? And pack and play is offered for over nights when couples have kids? This stuff really does happen. I had my guard up the whole time we were there. I was ready to respond to any sort of knee grab or accidental boob flash. I looked up signs you are at a swingers house on the internet. I am happy to report that our neighbors are just normal people who enjoy drinking and putting their feet in a hot tub. Am I the only one who worries about these kinds of things? I also look for signs that people may be into stealing babies, or into kidnapping families. So far we have not met any of those either. At least we solidified a married couple as good friends. Yay!