Never before have I had a need to find fun stuff to do and never before have I been less motivated to do something fun. But! As crass as the saying is sometimes, Life goes on. And if I’m going to start living my life again then I guess I’d better start shaving my legs.
One of the things I do when I’m down in the dumps is prop myself up in bed and watch mindless TV. I must be watching a lot of “single girl” television because all of the commercial breaks are filled with ads for dieting and online dating. And I always get sucked in by the online dating commercials showing these way-above-average-looking people finding everlasting love thanks to Whatever.com. So when I muster up the will to get out of bed for another bowl of Pirate Booty, I grab my laptop before heading back under the covers to fill out my online dating profile.
Of course, I never use my real name or post my picture, because if I post my picture, what’s the point of using a fake name? But I’m very honest when it comes to answering the online questionnaire, which just puts me in a worse mood because I realize how undesirable of an online match I am.
“Which outdoor activities are you most interested in?” The key word here is “outdoor.” When do I go “outdoor” for any extended period of time without slathering myself up in SPF 100?? It’s certainly not to do enjoy any of the alphabetically-listed options that are given: Automobiles, Basketball, Biking, Birdwatching, Camping, Fishing, Gardening, Golf, Hiking, Horseback Riding, Photography, Running, Sailing, Scuba Diving, Snow skiing/Snowboarding, Sports, Sunbathing, Surfing, Swimming, Tennis, Traveling and Water Skiing.
How horrible is it to leave every box unchecked?? It’s not that I don’t WANT to be that girl who digs birdwatching, but because of this online dating questionnaire, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m unofficially the most uninteresting single woman in the world!
But I could use this as motivation to become a little more interesting, I guess. Maybe when the temperature outside dips to below levels of spontaneous combustion, I could take up jogging again. There’s just something so sexy to me when somebody says, “Had to cut my run short today…Only got in 10 miles…” That’s so stinking hot. And at least I’d have ONE box to check. But I’m still not using my real name or picture.