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Jenna's First Love

Well since it wasn't clearly defined what "first love" means-I am gonna go with someone I was in love with but didn't know me. The one and only Jonathan Taylor Thomas. JT^2 as I called him. He was on the cover of every Teen Bop I can remember. I had dreams about him and compared my male classmates to him. No one has ever really come close to JTT since then....no I really fell in love for the first time in high school-I guess. My definition of love now is so much different than it was then so I question whether immature love is the same as the love you have when you know yourself and who you are. I first fell in love with a guy friend in 8 grade. He was hot and athletic and so cheesy but all the girls loved him. I used to have my mom drive me by his house and try and figure out where he was going to be hanging out on the weekends. Wait-that sounds like a crazy girl. Is it really stalking if your mom is taking you? He got wind of the fact that I was into him and it was an incredible romance of about 4 weeks. He bought me the new Beastie Boys CD and we would meet up to jump on my trampoline in the backyard. It was very romantic. I remember I used to get so nervous all the time around him and could never really be myself. I also had a unibrow so I'm thinking that's why things went awry. One day when I was getting ready to go to a school festival I got the call. He was there with friends, calling from a payphone. The conversation went something like this: "Hey Jenna. Hey Griffin. I'm about to leave to come meet you. Hey Jenna, I've actually been meaning to tell you that Im just gonna hang out with my friends. Oh okay...well that's fine, I will see you there. Umm Jenna I meant more like I wanna hang out with my friends ALL the time. Like don't wanna be with you anymore. He had another girlfriend a week later. I was so heartbroken-We never even kissed! It's funny because I had my heart broken so much in the early dating stages and now I'm the one that tends to get bored and restless. If we talk about real reciprocal love I was the heartbreaker surprisingly. I was a little late to the game. I didn't find him until I was 17! We were friends for about 3 years prior to dating and I think I made him date me. I used my powers of persuasion to convince him that we would be great together..how pathetic. Well we actually ended up dating for about 2 years and then halfway through my freshman year of college, I decided it was time for me to be single. It was really a terrible breakup because he didn't want it at all and I was bad about stringing him along. I always have the desire to remain friends with the people I date, even if it ends poorly. I hold on to a part of them because I feel like it will all be worthless if I don't. How can you spend years of your life with someone and then act like they don't exist? Well I've learned in the years since that friendships ARE possible with exes but there is definitely a window of time that you need to be apart. By keeping in contact, it puts the broken-hearted at a disadvantage. They are unable to get over you and vice versa. There needs to be that "outta sight, outta mind" period so you can go back to being you. I can honestly say that I've managed to remain friends with most of my exes except for this first love. I never see him or speak to him anymore and I feel disappointment with myself because of it. I have never understood how people can date for years and years and then just go down in flames. I suppose if someone cheated on me I would definitely never talk to them again. Honestly, I fall in in love with friends and then if things don't work out, I am desperate to go back to friends again. Unfortunately it all changes when that line is crossed.



 
03/01/2010 10:43AM
Jenna's First Love
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